Or it could be the fact that there is a three foot long snake on the loose in my house; however, she’s been loose for almost two weeks, so that doesn’t make much sense at all now that I have typed it out. Of course, now that I think about it, it could be that four hour nap I took after work and the absolutely ridiculous amounts of caffeine that I have consumed since I woke refreshed and relaxed from said nap. I don’t know what it is…I just know that I am awake.

As a general rule, once I decide it’s time for bed…I do not allow myself to get back on the computer until morning. That’s mostly because I have Chiari, because honestly, Chiarians either dont’ sleep at all or they sleep all the time. In an attempt to give myself some structure and some semblance of normal and being the highly-trained and uber self-disciplined individual that I am…I cut out any and all sleep distractions right off the bat. Tonight, I failed.  As my mind was racing while I was lying there…trying to go back to sleep, I realized that I didn’t have much choice but to jump on here and bore myself to sleep. So yeah. There’s that. And as a side note…it appears to be working.

Let’s see…what else could be keeping me awake? Hmmm…it could be that I am less than a week from my baby, K-dawg, turning 18 years old and that makes me feel ancient. Or it could be that we are about a week away from the 4th of July which happens to be the holiday that causes me the absolute most stress and worry. Which is funny because it hasn’t always been that way.

Technically, six years ago…the 4th of July took on a whole new meaning for me. I had never been completely independent in my entire life. Six years ago, I gained my independence for the first time. I signed my first lease and moved in 4th of July weekend…paid all my deposits on utilities that were actually in MY name…and began a new chapter in my life. A chapter which has allowed me to learn from my mistakes, grow and build my character, and the best part, I formed my very own identity. For the first time in my life…I was me and not simply someone’s sister, or someone’s wife, or someone’s mother. Not that those things aren’t wonderful and fulfilling. I REALLY needed an individual identity and I got that.

Fast-forward two years and subsequently after the 18th birthday of my first born daughter, Pig. Pig decides to become a pyrotechnic. My sweet little angel girl wants to blow things up. Professionally. Honestly, she’s never been wired quite right, but I still held up hope. She’s always been one who would have rather played in the grass looking for bugs, playing with black widows, and snakes and every other creepy, crawly, disgusting creature on the planet than to ride her bike, play hide-and-seek, or those other things kids do. Yep. She makes me proud. She’s an AWESOME kid. Who now wants to blow things up. Professionally. And she did.

Then, two years later…my second born daughter, Gabs, decided she wanted to blow stuff up, too. I’m starting to question a potential genetic mutation by this time. We’ll probably find out years from now that there really was something to that Chemtrail Conspiracy Theory after all. So yeah. The past two years, the gruesome twosome has lit up the skies over Raleigh, NC with great fanfare and they have made me unbelievably proud each and every time. It appears this year, the North Carolina State Fairgrounds will be their canvas again. However, one thing will be quite different.

My youngest daughter, my baby, turns 18 years old on July 1st. Guess who’s joining the party? You’ve got it. No doubt in my mind. When those planes are flying overhead…for God’s sake, unless you want your children to grow up and blow things up…professionally…get them inside!!

Here it is an entire week away and my heart and my stomach have already managed to make their way into my throat. Every year, I tell myself that this will get easier, but it doesn’t. I know I’ve gotta let them spread their wings and fly…but do they REALLY have to blow stuff up while they are soaring? Seriously.

Mission accomplished!! I’m officially sleepy! G’night, all!! Sweet dreams! :)

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